Hi

I've been reading two books by Irvin Yalom over the past couple of weeks, which have got me thinking about my purpose in this world.

I believe that in essence, this life is a blip in the endless night sky. I am a third of the way through my life. A quarter if I'm lucky. When my time to die finally does come, I cannot predict the outcome. Whether my consciousness will live on, I do not know. My intellect will undoubtedly vanish alongside the grey matter of my brain. Whatever happens, I will return to the peaceful endlessness I occupied before I was born. This is my belief.

But, what to do with this information?
Nietzche says we must try to live a life we would want to live a million times over. I agree. I must will my life to become that which fulfills me.

A few moments ago I was lying, relaxed on the soft cushioning of my futon, pondering whether, should I die tonight, I would want to relive my life. At first I thought no. I have dark memories of high school, and right now my isolation does not fill me with exuberance. Then, however, my mind moved to my early childhood in Australia. My love, my carefree attitude, my friends. I want to relive that golden age. Then, I thought of Provo. I often think ill of Provo. I think of the restrictions, I think of the lack of sex, drugs, alchohol, but until now I had never thought about the things I appreciated. Provo was another golden age, although I did not realise it at the time. I loved my friends. Nate. Johnny. Daniel. Derik. Marc. Chris. Charlotte. Ben. Jimmy. Dick. They loved me too. I would live through my Provo years again and again. Despite my angst, despite my fear, despite my deep insecurities, I would repeat it to experience the loving relationships between me and my friends. I would repeat an entire life of anguish just to experience that love.

This, Daniel, is what you live for.
You live to love others.
You find meaning in your relationships, and however scared you may be to involve yourself deeply with others, the resulting love will always be worth it.

I would happily live out my entire life again, and again, and again; even if the rest is pure misery; just for the relationships I have built with those wondrous people whom I love.