Hey bloggio what's crackin?

I'm chillin in my room atm about to go play some volleyball with Ling, Pax and Leah. It began to spatter a few minutes ago. Hopefully it won't get any heavier or we could be playing in quicksand.

I spent the last conflict ridden week in Melbourne. We went down there to see of Pen on her trip to Denmark. It began well, with drunken exploration and night time frivolity, but the tension created from Mikey not being allowed to stay at Pen's house slowly spiralled into butter thick tension and death glares. Kinda fell in love with Jacinta while we were down there. Beautiful girl...soft, big innocent eyes that pierce without judgment. Looking into them I saw a pure timidity, as if she were a lone white flower growing the best she can despite the black bushes of thorns that surround her. The first night, on the roof of a beautifuly architected Melbourne bar, I was expressing my discomfort at living up to the spledour of my new clothes. She smiled and said "you're beautiful Dan." My smile widened to match hers. Later on in the night, at another venue, called the Carlton club, skirted with extravagant purple draping and awkwardly cool taxidermy, we found a moment alone at the table. All I remember saying is "there's something incredibly genuine about you." After which I realised my vulnerablity, and hastily retreated.

In the usual fashion, time apart led to my mind thinking about her, thus crippling any chance of acting natural in the future. The next night we passed only greetings, and thought I was well aware of her presence as every moment passed, I disguised it under a veil of rampant social intercourse. A few nights later she held a dinner at the empty house of her parents. By this time I could barely look her in the eyes. The enjoyment of her presence had been sapped by the stifling need to not give away my adoration. In our fleeting moments of conversation I felt awkward and as if my words were being weighed down by lameness. In moments like these, self loathing is never far away. The night passed amiably, and I tried to slay my self destructive mind by talking to everybody who I didn't know. It went pretty well. I talked movies with a guy studying teaching and some cute girl whose boyfriend was sat on her far side. I also talked surprisingly deeply with Lorens, Jacinta's boyfriend. I began our conversation with a question about religion, which quickly escalated into personal philosophies and ideas. When he said "staying away from...what's the word? Dichotomies!" I was won over. Cool guy. Chilled, likes to chat, obviously taken the time to think through life a bit. I respect that. The night gained an awkward tension when I told Emily about Pen's escapades at Festivus, which Pen overheard and then called me a hypocrite and lame...followed by death stares and general ignorance. Then she spent a good few hours with Phil arguing about the whole blowjob incident. It was...awkward.

After that Pen and I's relationship was tainted. We made up on the last night, but there was still a faint whiff of hostility in the air. On the last night I ended up talking, awkwardly at first, to Jacinta again. It really didn't take long for me to realise that it was not as big a deal as I had made of it, allowing me to slip back into my casual self. Note to future Dan: If it seems like it's going to be a big deal, it probably isn't. It's all in your head. Just talk to the damn girl, stick it out, and you'll be making babies before you know it. It's just a little awkward at first. Remember, remember, your heart is the sender.