Hello blank white space, it's been a while. I've been happy, for the most part. Now life has thrown a dart my way. It has punctured my lungs and made it hard for me to breathe. It seems there is nothing more dangerous to my well being than a pretty girl. This one , like the others, has me feeling lost. Awkwardness, inability to express myself, shyness and the constant, chafing inner turmoil. It seems I'm doing everything I can to cut my feet from under me. It also seems there is nothing I can do about it. I suppose it can be explained quite simply as a case of oneitis. Not exactly poetic, but true. In this case the cure to my malady involves going out and getting laid. Or even just opening some strangers. The other option is to tell her how much I like her. This seems like the obvious one, especially considering how awkward I already feel around her. It is hard to imagine I could make it any worse :] So both of these are good. Other option is to wait around until the right moment comes. No sir. This feeling crushes me, and I do not want to bear it. Other option is forget about it. Decide with full strength of mind that nothing will happen and hope for that the fruits of casual friendship come back into bloom.

The first two make sense to me. Just gotta do it.

Fuck this insecurity. How is it that a single pretty creature can throw me into such chaotic abandon? When she arrived I felt strong, happy. Now I feel unworthy. Why? Because I didn't escalate when the moment was right. I procrastinated. This lesson seems a hard one to learn, perhaps the time is finally here. Time to realise that the longer you leave it the harder it gets. Skip the procrastination and go for it while things are still simple. Get it done before your mind has a chance to realise what's going on and sabotage you. It feels good to get this out. I've missed you, cascading clouds.

Writing feels good. I feel like I've just been pattering around doing useless things; a bird with clipped wings.