Yu Yu don't want to die.

I'm at work not working and reading Yu Yu Hakusho. It's been a while since I've written. I've been thinking about death a lot recently. Picturing the planet splitting in half while I'm on the bus and how I would feel about it. Not particularly good.

I don't want to die.

Why this is on my mind at the moment, I'm not sure. I've been trying to figure it out, and it seems it may be something to do with Ellyza. Maybe. It's possible. To be honest, I'm not sure.

Recently I have been working, spending time with her, and occasionally seeing friends. I love spending time with her, but I cannot help but feel a lack of forward movement - a lack of growth. I guess before most of my energies were spent on women. Going out, improving my 'game,' and searching for a girl that I liked. Now that I've found her, I think I need a new goal. I must keep moving forward. Perhaps this is why I have started to think of death.

I must also define my goal:

To be a published writer.

The obvious direction is my writing. But I seem to have so much trouble actually sitting down and forcing myself to complete something. I know that it is just a matter of doing it, so I need to find or create a system that will help me get it done. Perhaps a commitment to write a certain amount every day. Build some momentum, just like in pickup. That seems like a good idea.

So here is my new plan:

To write 500 words every day. Whatever they may be. Preferably in some kind of story format, but if not, that is ok.

I also need to keep writing on my mind. When I was working on my lady skills what motivated me the most was reading and watching learning material on the subject. So perhaps for writing I must start filling my brain with things about writing. I have the perfect resource too - uni. So I must start going to uni. To lectures. To everything. Also, if I am writing about my thoughts, as I am now, my thoughts will become more focused on what I am writing about. So a solid stint of diary writing every day will also help.

I want to finish the stories I have begun. That is, Archie and Opiuo mostly. There isn't even much to do, really. I'm going to do my reports and go for a cigarette.