I have a few passions. For one I have my guitar. I love playing guitar. Most of the time I goof around aimlessly while thinking about other random crap, but every so often I get into passionate mode. I'll stop reading on my laptop. I'll stop thinking about random shit. I'll get into a place in my mind where all that matters me and my guitar. I close my eyes, and listen to myself singing with emotion and passion.
Having said that...when I'm learning a new song I sound pretty bad. I got in a fight with my roommate Taylor last night because he didn't appreciate my rendition of "waltzing matilda."
I'm also passionate about improving myself. I feel like the times I am truly happy are when I have pushed myself beyond my boundaries. Like at this concert in Vegas a few weeks ago. I was standing in the middle of the moshpit. As I looked around I could see a whole sea of people thrashing back and forth to the music, and I was right in the centre. This little half Asian dude. I was head banging with my whole body, and every few seconds I would feel the weight and smack of sweat from some huge fat guy as he slammed against me, sending my body reeling like a ragdoll. By sheer force of will I held myself in the middle, fighting for space with my elbows and shoulders, because the pit was the only place I could breathe. I loved the feeling of holding my own even though I was probably the smallest there. At the end of the first song, I felt like I had nothing left. I was bent over double gasping for air, and I was thinking "how am I going to survive two more hours of this..." But then I heard Tom Morello pull out a riff that was like the theme tune to my childhood, and I jumped straight back into the fray, every limb thrashing. Somehow I survived for 12 more songs. When it was over I could barely walk, but I had this overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. I also felt a new confidence in the capabilities of my body. I have never pushed myself that hard. I hurled myself into the unknown and survived. I felt amazing.
Having said that, I'm not always so outgoing. I sat at home playing video games and reading like all day on Sunday :]
My other passion is writing. Most of the time, for school and stuff, I fucking hate writing. Just getting myself to start is like squeezing blood from a stone. But when I write about things I enjoy, I lose myself in my story. I get so into the deep, intricate details, emotions and descriptions that I forget about the outside world. I have so much fun, as my fingers just blur away of their own accord on my laptop, racing to keep up with the creativity of my mind.
Although I had to write some gay personal finance thing for my accounting class recently. I felt like shooting myself.
2. Tell me 5 interesting things about you?
I radically change my hairstyle all the time. When I was younger I used to have these huge goth spikes jabbing out into the sky. They made me feel like a rockstar. I was buzzed bald for a while. That made me feel like a thug. Kinda sucked though, because the bastards at the airports kept pulling me aside for "random" searches. Wankers. Now I like my hair all long and gnarly. I had it cut to a fo-hawky like endeavor earlier this semester, and the strangest thing happened...I missed my hair!! I'm all attached to it now, so I'll keep it this way till it gets out of hand or until people start mistaking me for a girl.
I read for at least an hour every day, and I tend to be reading at least 3 books at a time. I like diversity. With like 3 exceptions, I can't read a single book for more than an hour without my mind wandering towards something else more amusing. Also...the books I read wiiiiide.
I think flip flops go with everything. Sports jackets. Suits. Lingerie. Everything.
Top Ramen has been my staple diet since I could eat solids. I remember being a kid and wrapping it all around my head so I could look like a mummy. These days I like to get creative in my noodly ventures. I chop up mushrooms, fresh green onions, broccoli, cauliflowers, sweet corn, carrots and as of last week, tofu, and sprinkle it all into a pot of boiling water. I let it all cook, and then right at the end crack in a couple of eggs. I pour it, juices and all into a bowl with the dry top ramen. Delicious!
I meditate. My mind runs fast. I'm slowly gaining control of it. Our thoughts can be nasty little buggers.
3. What makes you really happy?
Spending time with my good friends. I have the most fun when I'm with the people I respect and love. I feel happy when I can relax, be myself, no pressure, just kicking it with the boys. A bit of playful banter here and there, just chatting about whatever comes to mind. I only consider a few people my good friends though. I have a hell of a lot of acquaintances, but generally I choose to spend my time with people who are secure in themselves and know who they are.
Also...pushing my limits.
4. What is one character trait you have that you appreciate about yourself?
Out of them all!? Ummm...I like my playful side. Like when I just act like a complete goofball.
5. What are the important things you need in a partner?
Playfulness. A sense of humour. A sexual side.
6. Why are those things important to you?
Because I only want to spend time with a girl if it's going to be fun for me. I am playful. I have a quirky sense of humour. I have a sexual side. These things matter to me, because if a girl doesn't have these qualities, I won't be able to express myself fully and have fun doing it. If I'm not being myself and having a good time with a girl - WHAT IS THE POINT!??
7. If someone wrote a list of things about you that fit their needs in a partner, what would they be?
Confident. Caring. Sensitive. Open. Loving. Thoughtful. Freakin' awesome in the sack. Good looking. Passionate. Fun.
8. What are your dreams for the future?
I want to start my own business and make it successful. I want to have self-sustaining wealth through assets. I want to travel the whole world on my own. One day I want a family. Generally to just continue having fun and growing.
9. What are 3 defining experiences in your life that have made you who you are?
Definitely moving countries. When I moved to England, I had a hard time making friends. I felt alone and frustrated. As I walked, nervously, into the tarmac playground of my new school I could feel everybody looking at me like some kind of alien. I found it very difficult to accustom myself to the English culture. They were closed off with their emotions, and reserved in their words. I was eccentric, happy and ready to make friends with everybody. They found my exuberance threatening, so I hid it. In the past year or so I feel like I've finally started regaining the joy and friendliness of my youth. Also, as a result of moving around, I find that I make new friends very easily. It feels great to know that wherever I go in the world, I can meet people and get along with them no problem.
Finally renouncing my Mormon faith at the end of '06. I felt so liberated. After ten years of pretending to be someone I'm not, it was like pulling an elephant off my shoulders. I used to go out with my friends on Saturday to the pubs. With a fag hanging from my lip, I'd drink pint after pint of Grolsch. I loved the atmosphere. Just me and my underage friends sitting around an old oak table in a stone pub, bantering and getting trolleyed. Then, the next morning, I would shower off my hangover, get dressed in my swanky suit and tie, and go to church where I taught the deacons. I loved church. I had so much fun teaching the 12 year olds, because I'm just a big kid really. We'd lounge around talking about video games and girls for 40 minutes, and then at the end I'd teach them one principle of the gospel. Although I loved both worlds, I never really believed in the church. I was being a big faker, and that meant I didn't feel genuine. After giving up the church I felt like I'd found myself. I felt like I could be everything I've always wanted to be without worrying about what other people think.
Being raised by a single mother taught me to respect, love and understand women. She went through so much bringing me up, that I know women can accomplish just as much, if not more than men...in some areas. Having such an amazing mother, who raised me alone whilst going to university at night and working during the day, sending me to a private school, and sometimes starving herself so that I could eat, has given me some pretty high expectations of girls. Although really I want a girl who can goof around with me on the couch without a care in the world.
10. Name 3-5 beliefs you have about yourself that hold you back, and you would like to change.
I'm a procrastinator.
People won't like me if I don't impress them. People won't like me just for who I am...
If I organise things people might not show up...I'm scared that if people don't have a good time when I invite them out, it will reflect badly on me.
I care what other people think of me.
I'm too cool for some people.
11. What are your weaknesses and how could each weakness be viewed as a strength?
I'm sensitive to rejection. This could be a strength in that I am an emotional dude. I have feelings, and the fact that they can be quite easily hurt sometimes means that I feel quite deeply.
I can be lazy sometimes. I can be uber motivated sometimes too. It all depends. On the lazy side of things...I could look at it as being a chilled out relaxed dude. Stress rarely gets to me. I live in a relatively stress free world...it just rooollls off my shoulder.
I'm kinda vain. I can be self conscious about my appearance sometimes. On the bright side I'm generally very well dressed and rather stylish.
I am proud, and it hurts my goals. Because of my pride I sometimes think I'm too cool for people, and because of my pride I can be averse to putting myself on the line. I think I'm cool, and so I feel the need to live up to the hype, meaning that I can't always just relax and be myself. On the bright side...I do have confidence from my pride. I'm confident that I'm a cool guy.
I over analyse. Oh sweet Jesus do I over analyse. I think over every interaction with nuclear precision. I focus on what I did wrong and what I could have done better rather than enjoying the moment. Sometimes I do this in interactions too. When I could be just laughing and having fun, I think about what I should say or what I should be doing. On the bright side...I have the concept of good conversation down pat, which means I can teach it.
12. What really scares you about meeting a partner to enter a long term relationship with?
Putting myself on the line to be hurt. Losing my freedoms. Falling in love and getting married and then not being able to travel the world.
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