Dichotomy Lobotomy

This man who I'm supposed to be
is pressured-cooked by me
and me.
I'm selfish,
self absorbed,
yet care
so much
for the stare
of some creature over there
Walking past,
an exchange of masks,
and indifferent denial.
Then once the moment's passed
I jump upon my broken smile:
You weren't quite there, not aware,
not warm enough to glean a greeting.
and then again upon myself I leap
with thoughtless cogitation,
over mental masturbation -
how did I become so weak?

But I think that you are all the same
humans with a different name
Creatures of the night and day
who chase to keep their woes at bay.
Who flick from fear to joy;
tell sweet tales about a boy
or girl, who cannot be attained
because all you ever wanted
were sparks inside your brain.
And you walk alone through crowded streets
feeling vaguely incomplete
and everybody else looks fine
but you never care to share it
rather craft a mask and wear it
and say look world here I am!
It's me! The perfect man!
While they wonder just the same,
why you're all so bold and they're so tame,
and so the story goes
till someone breaks the mold and throws
their guise upon the floor
often just ignored
or pampered by some loaded words
that serve only to create some gain:
run to pleasure; flee from pain.
But I am just the same.
Another human, different name.

Allow me to digress
to further press
this fruitless tree.
Allow me to impress!
See what this has done to me.
Set me free, I plead.
I am not me, but what I read.
A shot of existential gin,
two quarks of esoteric yin,
yang to brim.
I'd take a sip, but no,
I'll add some Tony Robbins, watch it overflow
then strike a match and throw the flaming cocktail of my soul
onto some barren white page.
I yearn to flee dichotomy
to boundless skies
far away from prying eyes
to spread my arms and fly through clouds
and taste the endless blue
of shackles torn.
To shoot through open seas of air
and empty fields full of all that matters.
To dip and spin and weave through shrouded bliss
to take life in my arms and kiss
goodbye to all of this.
Then smile
to the sky
and watch it all just pass me by.