Self in the crowd

When in the presence of something that can perceive us, we are either perceiving or we are being perceived. We are either judging someone else or we are aware of ourselves being judged. Whether this is a truly binary dichotomy is questionable, but in experience it seems to manifest that way.
I either care about how I am being perceived or I don't. In the first case, because I want to be viewed in a certain way, I will tailor my behaviour towards that end. If the other's judgment does not matter to me, be it due to comfort or lower perceived value , then my actions will be unfiltered and natural. On second thought I think this object/subject lies on a spectrum, with varying degrees of each in different relationships. I think, however, that it manifests in a black and white manner: you either want something from the other person or you don't. It could be anything from sex to respect to acknowledgement, but as soon as you feel that you would be lacking without it, you will no longer act truly to yourself.
The other deciding factor is perception of relative value.
The obvious example is the man with the attractive woman. He sees her, and perceiving her value to be higher than his can no longer act naturally. He will sweat and stutter and say all manner of things he doesn't care about or mean because he feels the need for her acceptance. He has placed her in the role of judge and now moulds himself in order to procure a better judgment. This happens because his estimation of her value as higher than his own creates a feeling of lacking. The dynamic plays in all relationships, especially as they are being formed.
The ideal, it seems to me, is to be able to maintain your calm in the crowd as if you were lying in bed alone. The feeling of capitulating to others is a snivelling and unpleasant one. If we consider OUR perception of others and ourselves as paramount at all times, we can walk through the storm in peace.
The way to build this reliance on self is to challenge those things that break it. To stare fear in the face while focusing only on your inner calm.
The gauntlet has been thrown down. Let my soul be tempered in the flames of other's eyes.