A bit more writing today. Last night I drove over to Paxton's in the beginning of what was touted to be a double cyclone surrounding Brisbane. All in all a bit lackluster if you ask me. No flying houses, no nothing. We spent the evening trying to download HoN, smoking week, playing HoN and then playing this other game mode called Prophets. I'm not sure I like being the best at that game. I enjoy the actual playing, but it just makes me feel kind of awkward when I win so I'm thinking maybe I'll stop winning. or at least play it out so that things are much more even, give the people a chance, because I suppose nobody enjoys a one sided massacre. Good thinking man.

I'm also wondering whether I enjoy that kind of context. Playing video games with the boys. I definitely can, and I think it beats sitting at home alone, but I think maybe smoking weed sucks the enjoyment out of it for me. I enjoy being socially capable and contributing to jokes and conversation, but marijuana just makes me kind of self conscious and paranoid. Also I keep seeing myself respond to situations with ego and I don't like it. It seems ego is helpful for the attraction of women, but not so much for the maintenance of friends. Though I suppose we are 5 guys in a room competing against each other, AND I've been thinking recently that I want to become more comfortable with conflict, so perhaps it's not such a bad thing,

Apparently I forgot to put my handbrake on when I arrived home super stoned off my face at 4:30am last night and my car rolled back into our neighbor's Mercedes Benz. The guy next door is really nice and apparently says its ok, but I need to go and apologise and I feel kind of awkward. I guess I should just do it but right now I'm a bit embarrassed. He's a really cool, together dude, and I feel bad.

I also sent a message to Suvi today, a beautiful Norwegian girl I met at Earth Frequency. I think she came and talked to me actually, and it seems that somehow we just got along really well. I tried to message her yesterday but I ended up spending an hour on the couch writing and rewriting and not being able to find anything that I thought sounded both cool and interested but not too interested. I gave up in the end, and rolled over to Paxi's. She's really cute and interesting and also 35 and tall. I quite liked her, though her ex boyfriend Moja seems like he's hanging on still, and it's possible there's still some kind of spark there. I'd like to meet up with her again and find out what's there. I guess we'll see :)

Besides that Shannon and Loren both messaged me asking what I'm up to. Shan's going to come down on Monday and I'm going to meet up with Loren at Regrowth I think. There are women everywhere. I had four separate girls come and hit on me at Earth Frequency, though I was mostly too drug fucked/oblivious/shy to do anything. Something I can learn from there efforts is that forward sexuality is the best path. The girl that actually got me for a little bit was straight in with her arms around my waist, touching, feeling. The others came close and kept looking at my lips but didn't have the gumption to push forward. I should have kissed them all really, but I suppose I am happy to have kept it in my pants in situations where the feeling wasn't there.
One was nice, but way too complimentary/eager. She kept complimenting my body, saying it's the kind she's like her partner to have, also caring eyes, hair, that I'm beautiful. These things seem to happen more and more, and I think my ego has a hard time keeping it real in the face of it all. I''m just a normal dude, really. I don't want to get too high of an opinion of myself because it seems to require the debasement of others. I mean ideally one is proud of oneself and all around him, seeing all as equally awesome, but it seems to me that high opinions seem often to rely on superiority of some kind. I'm not sure how to get the health self-esteem confidence that remains unshaken in the face of greater cool. It's probably an over time thing, so I shouldn't be too hard on myself.
The last girl, B though was pretty cool, and really cute. Maniacal on the drug front, with a valium and opiate addiction, but honest and interesting. I would've liked to have spent some more her with her. And jeezus she made it so obvious.

"Come wake me up in a bit, or actually... get Dan to come wake me up." Eyes. I'm such a clutz.

Today/tonight is Rexi's birthday, and also the Earth Frequency after party. Jem and Mikey said they were coming but I'm not so sure now. I'm also not sure if I want to go to the dinner beforehand with all Rexi's little friends. I'm also unsure about taking Mandy through the station.

Besides that we have my impending trip. I think I need to buy a smaller pop up tent to take with me, but apart from that I'm pretty much set. I don't know what to expect , but it will be interesting. A trip to Tasmania, with perhaps some cherry picking in the middle, visiting Byron, Newcastle, Sydney, Melbourne and eventually making it back up for Regrowth and Aida's play. Phew. Sounds like quite the adventure. I hope it all turns out :))

So I guess I'll get moving around 5-5:30, giving my phone a bit of time to charge and me a bit of time to wake up from my post stoned haze. Sound good old sport. Keep it rizzles.

Much love,
Me.