Sex and violence.

"The anthropologist Napoleon Chagnon spent most of his life studying the Yanomamo people. In an attempt to understand the men's strong leanings towards violence and fighting, and why they have among the highest rates of homicide in the world, he asked them why it was so important in the Yanomamo society. There were astonished looks all round. 'What? Don't ask such a stupid question. It is women! Women! We fight over women!'"

After reading articles on the mating habits of sharks and the strong biological instinct to propagate our genetic line in a piece called "The joy of more sex," I am finding myself convinced (it is after all, persuasive writing) of previously formed notions about sex and and competition, or more aptly, fighting for women. I have never fought for women. I assume it comes from being an only child to a single mother. I never had the Freudian competition with my father for the mother's love, nor the sibling rivalry. Maternal love has always been default, the water that I swim in, taken for granted and held with a certain of entitlement. As seems to be the way with childhood learnings, I feel it has seeped into my adult life. In the case of Anne and Karamu, I knew she liked me. All I had to do was take her as he ended up doing in my place. Take her hand and lead her away. Ownership, command - ideas which to which I have previously recoiled. But it seems to me increasingly that competition between males for females is the way of nature, and all but inescapable. Ex-boyfriends, hangers on and potential lovers, all blocks in the road of a promiscuous male. Blocks which he must be comfortable clearing if he is to maintain his title. For me, there have been so many examples of another guy showing up and me responding with a "fuck this," and leaving for more available shores. It's always seemed like a stupid battle to me, my childish entitlement blinding me from the true nature of things. It's been a matter of "if you like me, as you should because I'm amazing, you should make the effort to remove this obstacle. If you do not see me for the iridescent creature that I am then that is your problem, and your loss." Pure, adulterated ego. And unrealistic at that. Especially when you consider the sheer hypocrisy. That I would not be willing to do the same thing. Except that I suppose I am. I suppose if it's my baggage and I like a girl more, I'll ignore one and attend to the other. Or if it's a friend attend to the friend and make the other jealous. All gambits to increase attraction, bait the other into showing her interest before I do. Coercing the other into action because my ego is not willing to make itself vulnerable first. Cowardly, really. No, this is not the way things shall be. I hereby open myself to the idea of wanting something and going after it. Not just that, but fighting for it. I am a competitive motherfucker in the realm of games with defined rules, but have hitherto seen the games of life as pointless, meaningless. The sheer fucking irony. Will invest everything into winning in some virtual world, but refuses to in the real one under guise of nihilistic zeal. Fucking bullshit. If I'm going to play a game and go for the win it should be in real fucking life. It may not matter in the end, but in terms of degrees it is a whole lot more important to my happiness and well being than some animated nerd world where passive aggression is all but a prerequisite.

Conclusion: it is time to start putting yourself out there. Fight for what you want. You only exist today because your ancestors fought blood tooth and nail to stay alive and procreate. You owe it to your grandfather, to every being that came before you, and to yourself. Chin up motherfucker.