Earth Frequency and other drugs.

Well it's been awhile. A while. I guess the space is optional :) I haven't felt like writing much up to this point because I've been all lonesome and antsy at my mum's house. Three days in the bass vibrating bush fixed that quick sharp and here I am, tired and at least mildly inspired.

It was a good three days, and as always it went way too fast. I realise more and more that the place I am happiest is in the midst of the hippie crowd, be it Woodford, Rainbow or any one of the myriad doofs scattered throughout our sand clod country. It's not the music, though shaking my little booty no doubt helps. I daresay it isn't even the drugs. The thing that gets me pumped up, confident, happy and loud, running around with a heart full of love and madness is, no doubt, the people. And not just the girls. Both of our beautiful sexes. Talking to strangers and realising that the universe accepts you. That you're not as much of an abject failure as the city and society by contrast would have you believe. That maybe your contribution to the world doesn't have to foster economic growth. That maybe just enjoying your existence has the potential to bring joy to the lives of others. That when you've been running around barefoot and drug fucked for three days straight and your mind begins to fall apart you can realise that the thing beneath all of your neuroses and self doubt might just be a thing of beauty, of itself, with no need for adornment or improvement.

On the last day of the festival I was dancing in the rain post DMT/Acid hit, head swirling with broken words and tempestuous mental wanderings, when I came to some sort of realisation. It wasn't in words, though that it how I will try to describe it now. It was in the connection and causality of memory and images showing to me so clearly that the world is chaos, and that our efforts to make it better or worse are in so many ways futile. That this whirling mass of colour and sound we inhabit is too complex to even begin to control. That whatever you do, no matter how much effort you make towards whichwhatever end, it is ultimately the universe that has the final say in your future. That not leaning in and kissing some girl, though you feel like you should, might allow another path to open, though the other may now be closed. And the new one might be better, And that if it is the case that our destinies are beyond our grasp, then there is no reason to strive towards them. That doing so might only serve to place blocks in our natural path. That maybe if you truly surrender to the universe and to yourself, allowing the human being that your consciousness inhabits to act of its own accord, according to its nature, the universe will open up to you like you could never imagine. That as the cliche goes: the only thing in your way is yourself. Your ego. Your history of self-definitions and wants. And that if you can shake off these abstract chains the person you truly are will be free to flourish.

As it sayeth in the Bible:

"And why taketh ye though for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

- Matthew 6:28

Not that I'm Christian or anything. But all religion makes sense as a metaphor for the moment / the universe / yaweh whatever.

I've been caught for a long time in the need to be a positive, nice person. Fuck that shit. I am who I am, be it grumpy, mad or writhing with lust. There is beauty in all those things. There is an insidious villainy in pretense. Let us finish with another quote, from my old pal Emerson:

Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. I remember an answer which when quite young I was prompted to make to a valued adviser, who was wont to importune me with the dear old doctrines of the church. On my saying, What have I to do with the sacredness of traditions, if I live wholly from within? my friend suggested, "But these impulses may be from below, not from above." I replied, "They do not seem to me to be such; but if I am the Devil's child, I will live then from the Devil." No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it.

Werd.